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Saturday, June 29, 2013

The Male Birth Control Controversy

In this modern age, any birth control controversy is yet focused on women. Nothing is said of men - of their doggish habit and sin of spilling their seed. Jerking off is a sin, boys. Heh hem (amen), I mean squeezing that tube of toothpaste until no more tooth whitener comes out. You know what I mean - nudge, nudge, wink, wink. Hiccup'n one's own jelly into the air is damnation more surely than draggin an American flag on the ground.

Religious tracts older than the Christian Bible shame the act. For instance, there is the example of Hephaestus - the blacksmith of the Greek Gods. This poor, crippled deity loss his secret sauce when he tried sleeping with the virgin goddess Athena. The haughty woman brushed his spilled seed off her thigh. She cast the wasted stuff onto Gaia - the personification of the Earth.

The Earth then bore the monsters of Hephaestus. That's one story. The other claims a mythological ruler had been born - Erichthonius of Athens. If there is any truthful figment of the king, I'm inclined to think Erichthonius, like past Egyptian pharaohs and many nation rulers today, just liked to believe the fantasy. In any respect, the moral of this small treatise is you boys have been warned.

Put it down and pick up a book. Spend time reading. Whether the pretend fellow made monsters or kings, I'm certain no present-day peasant will be as fortunate as old Hephaestus. City septic system administrators across the nation with salute you. Specifically, don't flush your enchanted jelly beans. For sakes of home town sanitation facilities everywhere, stop playing your distorted King Arthur games there with your toilets. Besides, I won't contemplate what living or dead horror might be pulled from the plumbing.

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